As your relationship with your lover grows, you find that some of your close friends are pushing themselves away from you. Are you losing yourself to a strange and ultimately vicious, relationship?
While the society tells us that genuine relationships are all about obsession, intense liking and all-consuming love, in reality, controlling or manipulative relationships aren’t signs of healthy and passionate love. Here are more signs that you’re under the thumb of a controlling steady relationship, and ways that you can do to fix it or break free;
When he makes decisions for you instead of with you.
This is about who really has the right to make decisions in your relationship. From the perspective of a controlling boyfriend, it is he who has the ultimate authority. Whether it occurs as “my way or no way” or “it’s not a done deal until I say it’s a done deal,” it all turns out the same. Your boyfriend has the last word and is the ultimate decision maker because he believes that is his right.
When you can’t seem to ever measure up.
Can’t do enough to make him happy? No matter how much you give up for your boyfriend – friends, beliefs, dreams – it’s not enough? May it’s not you. Just maybe it’s him. Some guys are rattled by even the hint of independence. Unless they have all of you – all your time, allegiance, and obedience – they’re not satisfied. In controlling relationships, measuring up comes with a pretty high price tag.
When you don’t feel safe around him.
Do you fear that your boyfriend might do something to physically harm you if you do something to displease him? You don’t have to have been hit in order to fear him. Intimidation and the threat of physical violence can be just as controlling. Bust safety is even broader than physical concerns. Sometimes words can hurt as much as physical blows. So how safe do you feel?
What To Do
If you’re in a controlling relationship, the important thing to know is that you don’t have to stay there. Sure, it’s hard to make sense of the mess you’re in. You may find yourself wondering, “How did I get here in the first place?” Maybe you grew up with a controlling parent, and it didn’t feel all that different from what you were used to. Maybe it started out good and just gradually turned into something bad. After all, it’s been a long time since you trusted anything that you thought – especially if it was different from his opinions and it’s hard to start thinking for yourself again.
If you’ve ever felt like your partner is trying to manipulate you or forcing you to avoid something because he doesn’t like it, it’s time you put an end to it. Remember, no one can ever control you unless you allow them to do so. It doesn’t matter how you got there – why you’ve stayed. All that really matters is that now you see what’s happening and you know that you don’t want to love this way any longer. You may need some help from a professional. Get whatever help you need in order to get your life back.